Forgiveness is neihter the same as stopping being angry nor the same as forgetting

It is a misconception to believe that forgiveness removes guilt. It doesn't. Times does not go backwards and the done cannot be undone. In a relationship the infidelity cannot be undone, the harsh things said during an argument cannot be unsaid.

When you forgive it is okay to still be angry about what has happened. It is okay to say that you can feel that you are still too angry about what the other person did and at the same time you will make an effort to ensure that the corporation between you is good and aiming towards a healthy growth of your relationship.

This way you can admit that you are still upset and at the same time you show that you believe in the future of your relationship. Being angry does not have to be a threat towards the relationship.

Things you can say to regain and maintain your connection after an incident:

• I am still too upset to talk about it AND when I have calmed down I will come to you so that we can talk about it
• I can feel that I am still very sad and emotional so I need more time to process what happened AND when I feel better I will come to you so that we can talk about it.